Don't try this at home. Or work.

So there I was just minding my own business at work today. It’s Friday, which means it’s quieter than usual, and I can get away with listening to my iPod™ while pretending to be busy. But on this particular Friday, I was particularly bored, so I sought out things to do. And that’s where I went wrong…

I cleaned my office, which took about 2 minutes, including straightening my pens, scissors (two pairs) and rulers (I have five and I don’t know why) in the cup on my desk. I check voicemail, but there wasn’t any. 30 seconds. Then I got a call from someone who wanted some brochures mailed to him. I was super excited about this (yes, I was that bored) because I knew I could stretch this task out for at least 10 minutes.

I grabbed a stack brochures and a large envelope from the counter in the front office. The envelope was much bigger than it needed to be, so I decided to cut it up and wrap the brochures like a gift. Once I had the brochures wrapped up, I reached across my desk for the Scotch® tape and took a strip from the dispenser. With one hand, I held the corners of the package down, and with the other I maneuvered the placement of the tape. The corners of the package started to become a little loose, so I pulled the tape off, placed it in my mouth to free up a hand, and then re-secured the wrapping.

Now, it doesn’t seem like anything unusual has happened yet, right? Well, you might want to stop reading here if you find that you (A) faint easily (B) are under the age of 13, or (C) have a strong belief that lips are meant to stay attached to your face…

As soon as I deemed the wrapping acceptably secure, marveling in my engineering achievements, I released one of my hands from the package and grabbed the tape that was waiting patiently on my lower lip. As I pulled it away, I noticed a sharp, stinging sensation. I figured it was just a little sensitive, but when I looked down at the strip of tape, I noticed that it was now accompanied by a ¼ inch piece of my lip (precisely measured with one of my five rulers). I was shocked, I was in disbelief and I was bleeding like crazy.

I then spent the next hour nursing my lip and accepting pity from anyone who would listen to my tragic tale. In the end this proved to be a great way to keep busy at work, but not something I recommend.